Hey, I’m Luke. I’ve watched movies, you can’t prove otherwise!
I’ve been asked… (Well, I was blackmailed with incriminating proof of my evil misdeeds…) to start posting to this serious, professional looking website thing. I needed my first post to be topical, insightful and detailed. So, here are some quick summaries I posted onto Facebook during 2016. Warning: plenty of spoilers abound.
HAIL CAESAR
Hail Caesar: A film in which Clooney, Voldermort and Thanos use a hail storm to travel back in time and prevent any Salads from being called Caesar. 5/10
10 CLOVERFIELD LANE
10 cloverfield lane: When a field of four leaf clovers move in next door, Sully from monsters ink might not be so lucky. Lucky lucky lucky. Might not be so lucky in love.
Surprised it was a rom-com, but overall a fantastic film. Must see. 10/10
BATMAN VS SUPERMAN
Bat-meh vs Soup-man: A film about an idiot forgetting he agreed to see the film at midnight with his friends and ends up agreeing to work at 4am that same night. A chase sequence from the cinema to work ensues. I forgot most of the movie. Rating: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
THE JUNGLE BOOK REMAKE
The new jungle book movie radio play tv series involved Stringer Bell dressed as a cat singing the wire theme song in the style of a Disney music number. Safe to say, it deserved that 18 certificate rating.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR
Captain Jack Sparrow: Dawn of war (This time its Civil-ous) was pretty good. Was surprised that they included a 40 minute sequence where the gang tries to ask the X-men if they can come out and play, knocking at their door, chucking stones at their window and holding one of those olden time giant music box above their head (Plus trying to send a letter via owl, but it was a Sunday and there is no post on Sundays). Nothing would convince the Y-men to help and then eventually a guy in a suit from fox? Sony? I dunno. Came out and told them to go away. Like I said, this went on for 40! Minutes and then the film carried on.
Also, I watched it in 4D (which meant it included time travel or something?). It was pretty fun, but I don’t think I want to be so immersed in the film that I’m drenched with water because there was a scene in the rain.
10/10 good movie thing.
ARRIVAL
‘Arr Ival’: the tragic tale of Ival the Pirate was pretty good. The instantaneous friendship he builds with the Kraken, when they meet at the annual pirate / sea monster dance is probably the most heart-warming moment in cinematic history.
FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM
‘Fantastic beasts and where to find them’, the spin off from the Where’s Wally / where’s Waldo book series, adapted into a 3 and a half hour long movie… was okay.
A cute, but mostly forgettable little movie. A bit predictable, but a family friendly film…. well… except for the part where Harry Potter shows up, as an old Man (The film is set 40 years after ‘the deathly Hallows part 2: this time it’s Sirius) covered in the blood of Ron, and takes part in the most brutal crime spree I’ve ever seen!
Not family friendly at all! Several parents led their crying children out of the cinema in shock. Sad really, as a couple of minutes after Harry’s cameo, the film goes back to a far more light-hearted tone, as the Fantastic beasts organise a dinner party.
ZOOTROPOLIS / ZOOTOPIA
Finally gave zootropolis a watch. Pretty fun little movie 🙂
…only bad part was when halfway through the movie, it’s starts to turn into a full on science fiction film, as the main Bunny character gets abducted by these random aliens (No build up to these characters by the way, but the movie acts like they were in it the entire time). The aliens turn her into this futuristic cyborg rabbit, wipe her memories and then send her 100 years into the past in order to kill some inventor person before they create a vortex to another dimension where a second rabbit is…. I struggled to follow from that point onwards. A very convoluted plot for a kid’s movie.
LA LA LAND
LA LA Land… (Not to be confused with ‘Luke Ackroyd Luke Ackroyd Land’, the now abandoned theme park that I set up back in the 1990’s and had a brief successful career as a theme park owner, before the park became overrun with super intelligent squirrels, who used it as a base of operations and scared away all customers…)
…Was a cute, feel good movie. Quite predictable with little conflict/ drama or plot. I have the same impression of it as I did for ‘Boyhood’. A nice experience rather than a movie. Saying that, I still enjoyed it mostly.
BUT! What was really strange was when Emma Stone’s character, whilst performing a play, accidentally falls into a cupboard and stumbles into what is clearly a rip off of Narnia, but it’s called LA-nia. This part of the film lasts an entire HOUR. No other cast members appear, not even Ryan Gosling! It’s just Emma Stone, talking to Puppets and going on an epic quest to defeat the ‘Frozen Water’ queen of LA-Nia. Don’t get me wrong, it was very thrilling and the emotional death of Barry the Boat hit me hard. But, it all felt out of place in the movie. Once she leaves LA-nia, she simply carries on with her Play. The film carries on as if none of that happened, she doesn’t even tell Ryan about her adventure. The only nod to the LA-Nia part is in a post-credit scene where on Christmas Eve, Emma is greeted by the Ghost of Barry the boat.
Well, that was all of the films that came out in 2016. I thought there would be more, but most of them were alright-ish, so I can’t complain.
Thanks for reading!
(Dis)Honest Reviews 